Friday, July 13, 2012

A Prayer

I spent my childhood in prayer asking for the Lord's forgiveness.
"Forgive me Lord for I have sinned," repetitiously like hail marys of Catholicism
but Father I murmured the words without understanding as your Bible never met my eyes in your markings of maturation or growth and I lay with tears beseeching the agony without the comfort of your words.  I did not hold the lessons of the passages of time but only whispered your name in cry and defeat.

Yet ye lay me down in green pastures and I studied the blade of grass and made scissors with the weeds as they mocked me in potential tear of my soul.  I never let the drop of life see the daylight and I turned to stone in refusal of fate.  I lay with ignorance for a roof over my head and food on my plate knowing it was sin.  I took and gathered my morsels for a newer day and in wait I did nothing, noted the universe for the day of a beasts release.

However, Lord I did not speak of another's sin against my angelic skin and I in turn protected the shame as if I were to own it.  In know, I knew I had sinned not of flesh but of heart and mind as I wanted to preserve the wrongdoers in my life.  If you forgive a child of holding such things as dear and worthy then punish me Lord and rid me of my sins.  I did not pick the needle in order to beat out destiny and I should have slid into oblivion as I fell through the cracks.

Although, your power of light showed me that the weeds I so admired in my youth were as resilient as the blossoming flowers of lupines and wildflowers of native lands that I plucked early from their growth but they showered me with color and the open sky was the canvas backdrop to my empty dreams.  In turn I stretch my arms to plead of your understanding and  the poppies of the West opened a new meaning to me.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned as I held our Mother close to my heart and bypassed your wealth of effervescence in folks of fashion and fortitude.  I did not see them in your light and did not value their strength as if it was magnetic to mine.  May you allow my silent tongue to speak of the evils of this world as so much time has passed, may I not be forgone or forgotten like your enlightenment and praise that was compressed by time."

Perhaps the pages held press of forgiven wildflowers in preservation of times to come.  If so may the coloring of their brittle and delicate beauty be seen once more before they fade away.  May the Lord hear my whispering prayer in the raindrops of storms so that the light can return to remember the Father's sky as the fire bow touches the Earth's arc as I never claimed the sin of incest and the definition of my sin was never mentioned in the Bible, so forgive me Lord for clarification and asking of identification in this 21st century land.  

No Old or New Testimonies exist in your words of adults who lay down with children so Father forgive of my sins as I want to shout to you that it has happened.  For I long your message,  "For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return."  So Lord, you said, "So let it be written, so let it be done" as I am Rapunzel stuck in the Tower of Babel with with rare limestone woundworts in my hair holding Franciscan wallflowers, purple Chinese houses and common star lilies by hand in Farewell to Spring.

Scarlet Begonias - Grateful Dead

As I was walkin round grosvenor square
Not a chill to the winter but a nip to the air,
From the other direction, she was calling my eye,
It could be an illusion, but I might as well try, might as well try.

She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes.
And I knew without askin she was into the blues.
She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls,
I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls.

In the thick of the evening when the dealing got rough,
She was too pat to open and too cool to bluff.
As I picked up my matches and was closing the door,
I had one of those flashes I'd been there before, been there before.

Well, I aint always right but Ive never been wrong.
Seldom turns out the way it does in a song.
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right.

Well there aint nothing wrong with the way she moves,
Scarlet begonias or a touch of the blues.
And there's nothing wrong with the look that's in her eyes,

Wind in the willows playin tea for two;
The sky was yellow and the sun was blue,
Strangers stoppin strangers just to shake their hand,
Everybodys playing in the heart of gold band, heart of gold band.